The review went worse than predicted. I thank everyone who commented and yeah it was bland. Unfortunately I am not use to dealing with color. All last year I was told too avoid color. The reason for this is when dealing with a client is that they might see a color they don't like and discard the whole design based off that small detail. We where taught to use colors to distinguish different materials, not so much how to use them together. Typically even for that we used different shades of gray. Its a piss poor excuse, and I should have been clever enough to figure this out on my own.
During the review I would have loved even a tongue and cheek compliment but no. Hell even a back handed would have done. But apparently my work is completely shit with no redeeming qualities what so ever.
For a while after I was a smothering pile of rage that is kind of ready to ignite with any additional fuel. During that period I wanted to bring down a mass of killing that would have even put Stalin to shame. Perhaps fortunately I am a powerless creature and all I can do it really smile and pretend nothing happened at all.
For a brief bit of time the anger had turned in on itself and I was being hyper critical about everything in my life. My mind set became kind of self destructive and suicidal, lucky I did not act on act on any of these thoughts. Though I guess walking out in front of traffic a few times might have counted. 6 hours of class gave me plenty of time to get over myself.
Right now I am in the fuck it stage. Its not important and I don't care. The more extreme thoughts that I will not act on are less about dieing and more about just leaving. At the moment it is kind of hard for me to come up with reasons not to just walk away from it all. I am not happy or satisfied with what is going on now, so why continue? The only reason I have is that I don't like losing and admitting this makes me think its a pretty piss poor reason.