Tuesday, September 21, 2010

End of the day.

Today has been much better than yesterday and well rather fun.  Thanks again for every one that commented. My day has improved not so much because of anything that has happened but rather for a lack of things happening.  There is still the persistent desire to runaway but I am not thinking that lowly of myself. To sum it up I have been in a serious mood all day and well have not done anything productive.

Digital Age Taoist, your thoughts of returning to the time before labels, self defined limitations and truth have been echoing through my head a lot today. I found myself stopping to just think about all the labels I have given myself and how they effect how I think. I agree it is time to return to a time without labels. It is time to stop over thinking things.

Sparrow, you are always helpful and make me smile when I don't think I can. You say simple things to me that put things that distract me and stop my endless worrying cycle.  You have not posted anything recently and I am hoping you are not getting bogged down with work.

Huntress. I love you. You help keep everything in perceptive and allow me to think clearly. The images from your amv with using "airplanes" is currently playing though my mine. I could perhaps use a wish right now.

Artful Disarray, the comment you made to me made me feel much better and I thank you for it. Your work is amazing and i will continue to say that. I honestly want to be able to draw like you and I need to work on that. For some reason your Autumnal Equinox makes me wish for wings.

Now that I said some thank yous again I will I guess mention what has been going on in my head today. Some of what I say will seem antsy, and maybe it is. Most of the thoughts have been on who I think I am and what I want to do. Then how am I going to do it.

First off I began to try to cast off labels. It is proving difficult as each label just seems to reveal another. I am not male nor will I be completely female ever. This is not a bad thing, there is no need to limit my thinking based on gender. There is a certain form I want my body to look like, but this shall be because I want it not because it is female.

I am not a child, nor am I an adult. There is still much for me to learn about this world, but there is some that I can teach. There is no reason to assume my path is set and my should let my imagination fad. At the same time I am not to be carefree, where and how I chose to live is my responsibility and duty not others.

I am not Islamic, Christan, Jewish, Agnostic, Atheist, Pagan  or anything else. Each of theses would limit my mind to its doctrine and its ways. What I believe shall be based on the truth I receive, and I shall believe it because it is truth. I will not follow any religion for rewards and punishments form a parental god.

My sexuality and partner preference will no longer be defined by the narrow guide lines.  What is betweens someones legs will not be what determine what I think about them as. If there is a girl that I like and am attracted too on a intellectual and personal level then I will treat them no differently than I would a guy. Until actual intercourse there is no difference between them, and even then it is just a simple switch in procedure.

Blood is water, nothing more. My family does not know and could not understand the true me anymore than I can know or understand the true them. Further more I don't want them to know me. Any judgement they would make would hurt more than anything else. They have chosen their path and are set in it. This is their right and I wish them happiness, but I will not walk their road.  The fork is fast approaching and I will wave goodbye with no malice in my heart.

Lastly I shall lose my labels in Architecture. I will not be a modernist, or a post modernist, or a constructionist, or deconstructionist or an minimalist. Nor will I be a discipline of Lewis Khan,  Richard Meier, Le Corboruiser, Rienso Piano or any other architect. My thinking and my designs will not be limited to a single style or system of logic. My field is one of president, we build on the past, while I can not break from the past I will no longer accept it as a defense for why something must be done. 

That is what I have decided for today. This is how I shall be. Then perhaps I can work on not worrying about what labels people give to me. Maybe one day I could just listen to the instinct to kiss someone, maybe some day the self will not matter.

29 comments:

  1. Very thoughtful post, Bunny. Labels have their uses for scientific minds, but outside of that context, they are merely limiting. You're right to leave them behind. Also I'm glad you have realized that blood is just red water XD

    Be free, Bunnyface <3

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  2. This post is among the most beautiful things I have seen. Thank you for your kind words. I am left speechless.

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  3. I can only follow Taoist with adamant agreement, Bunny. Reinventing, reawakening, they are hard steps, and may take several re-dedications to the cause, but I am so very pleased to've been here at your first step.

    Admire who you wish, in what way you wish...love and the pleasure of sharing time with another should be completely unlimited by age, sex, or any other identifiers we tend to stick to people.

    Cleanse yourself of preconceived notions of the way you should behave, the way you should think or feel, and revel in your newfound freedom :)

    Drawing is merely a process you must adjust to, and there are many books I can point you to to help you move forward--my work is sketchy, cartoony at best, but I enjoy every moment of it

    <3

    thank you for sharing this with us

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  4. There is little that I can say that others have not already said, but you know that I love you and will be there when you are free of all the labels. Though I may stamp your ass as 'mine' a time or two ;)

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  5. Labels, though often misinformed, seem to be a natural part of the way we see the world.

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  6. Glad to hear that things are getting better, remain positive and open the door when opportunities knock!

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  8. Very deep, you definitely touched upon alot of things I agree with. Looking forward to reading more.

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  9. holy poopies! =O Thats da farting poopies, man!

    smoochies though!

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  10. yea, do whatever you want, who cares what family or religion says, just be a good person and thats all that matters

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  11. sup dude. thanks for commenting on my blog.
    here to return the favor.

    also, following you.

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  12. wow, u are an absolutely amazing writer, u deserve some credit!

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  13. cool post bro!
    check both my blogs are interesting! ;)
    suppin can u rtrn pls?

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  14. Great blog, man!

    Hope you`ll check out mine as well.

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  15. Very interesting views on life you've got.

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  16. looks like fun!

    check out my new blog, The Stepback Fadeaway!

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  17. Cool post, looking forward to a new one!

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  18. Haahah superb.

    Keep up the good work!

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